"The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their…"

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

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I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

— Paula Poundstone

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Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.

— Paula Poundstone

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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

— Paula Poundstone