I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ’Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.