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I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

— Paula Poundstone

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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

— Paula Poundstone

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My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ’Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’

— Paula Poundstone

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Travelling is the ruin of all happiness! There's no looking at a building here after seeing Italy.

— Fanny Burney