When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.

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When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

— Erma Bombeck

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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

— Erma Bombeck

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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

— Erma Bombeck